I can't count the number of times I have been told by a vendor, usually after a request for even common terms and conditions, "I've never been asked for that before!".

The intent was to invalidate the request and position the request as outside the norm so the requester would second guess themselves and put it aside.

Responding with a smile and the statement "Well, now you have!" usually put the request back on the table.

I was pretty much convinced after the third response that this was yet another canned comment taught in software salesmanship 101.

Mirchandani makes some good points but my retort to him is that by driving software to commodity price status, despite - when applied correctly can fundamentally improve a customers business all these "vendor management" consultants do is reduce the activity to the same mediocre programming quality levels that are prevalent with the offshore development model.

The net result of services like his is that the ongoing working relationship between the software vendor and the customer is driven out of the transaction by the price. As a result the vendor is forced into "sell and run" model and is not motivated to stick around and ensure that the customer is mentored and supported in the development of solutions using that software.

Cheap does not always mean better - ask anyone who bought a Buick because they didnt think a BMW was value for money.............
BMW is doing well and GM (Buick) has its hand out to the taxpayer to stave off a well deserved bankuptcy.

Most of your top 10 list is spot on and accurate, however just as with Letterman's lists, the #1 listing is always the least impactful.

Revenue Recognition is a major issue for software vendors. Throughout my career, every single company I have worked for, especially the major vendors with thick, murky policies, have been an absolute bear to navigate through from a rev/rec standpoint. Asking your salesperson to create rev/rec miracles can often bring scrutiny from legal, accounting, and pricing which would otherwise be avoided if titanic requests weren't being made.

My point is, its a two way street, and you should know your salesperson and how to work them. "Excuse #1" is often times valid, and asking your salesperson to go down the path of battling rev/rec could end up hurting you in the long run and hurting them in the short run. This is the 100% gods honest truth. If you, as the buyer, have worked your salesperson properly and have opened the lines of trust and communication, they will fight an internal battle they can win on behalf of you as their customer, not because of commission, but to do just that - to win on behalf of their customer. A battle they cant win will be met with resistance, like rev/rec.

It is not you vs the world. Approach negotiations as a team and you'll find you not only get the best deal, but every single rule in the book will be bent and broken for you moving forward. IMO, the salesperson should be the one to start this cycle and instill this level of trust in you, but you have to be a willing participant as well.